I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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