I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
