You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
