He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize