I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
