I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
