Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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