I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
