i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
