Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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