At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
