She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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