Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
