arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
