Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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