is your mom at the bar?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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