mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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