I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
