I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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