Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
