I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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