just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i think i just lost a toe
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
