OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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