i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
