And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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