Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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