bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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