I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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