piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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