I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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