Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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