Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
