Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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