I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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