stop calling my apartment porn island.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
