Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
