I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
