Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
