It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
