Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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