my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.