Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.