I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?