you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.