I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
