I am spending my child support on dildos
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
