You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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