1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
