i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
