There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
