I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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