Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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