Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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