It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
