i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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