I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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