is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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