Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
