we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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