She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
