her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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