please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
