i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
