She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
