So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
