think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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