just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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