I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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