I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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