Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
